Conflict Resolution is a learned skill. John Ciecko was scared of conflict. By leading the leadership series here on the SMB we have walked through a lot and conflict resolution is a big part of leadership.
Patrick Ohaver was a supervisor for an AT outreach program and had a fair share of conflict to resolve.
This discussion is based off an article by Dr. Jordan B Peterson about becoming a peacemaker
Facts are facts. Opinions about the facts differ. It is therefore the job of the peacemaker to bridge the gap between opinions, and in that manner, bring about reconciliation. The job of the peacemaker is to establish an accord that allows the facts themselves to become a matter of agreement. To do that, however, the peacemaker has to be able to see the facts that lead to peace. The peacemaker threatens, with the threat of peace, because peace means change.”– Jordan Peterson
How can the peacemaker bridge sides of an argument?
How can the facts themselves differ? And if they do differ, how can the gap between men who have adopted antagonistic stances towards one another be bridged? They must want peace, more than security, more than charisma. That means that the peacemaker must be able to sell them something more valuable than victory, more valuable than success. That means the peacemaker must know what it is, that is more valuable than victory. It is for this reason that the peacemaker must be a man of the uncharted seas.”
When we find ourselves in conflict how can we sift through the facts?
John’s situation: Coach was asking questions and seemed to be questioning him and how the situation was handled.
John allowed his opinion of the facts to be more important.
“Relax” usually amplifies the conflict
Amygdala hijacking – emotions get the thought process all jacked up
Is it better to rush or be patient with an opinion or judgement?
“Everyone must therefore have a voice. The peacemaker, however, must even listen to the damned. He does not know what the facts are, and even the damned might therefore have something valuable to say. When the facts themselves are in dispute, however, there is nothing left but patience. The invisible becomes visible of its own accord, in accordance with its own frame of time, and there is no pushing when the direction to push cannot be established.”
Everything in athletics has to be done right now…so we are in conflict with peacemaking situations as we have no patience to work with.
We do not have to fix it now, we can wait for a day.
The more you are able to pull the facts out the more you can heal.
The facts give it a direction
When it comes to resolution is speed over vision, or vision over speed more important?
“Peace must therefore be a journey – and a journey to an unspecified destination. The peacemaker is a guide, in a country whose topography remains uncertain. As a guide, he has to be going somewhere – but where? Speed is a virtue in the local environment. If the direction is uncertain, however, then speed may be a vice.”
Most of the time it is vision over the speed
Clifton’s strength finder – https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/252137/home.aspx
If you are pretty certain route “A” is better than route “B” than use facts and allow hem to make the decision
If you continue to go back and use the vision over speed you build capital with the people you work with.
This allows you to use the get this done now statements.
What does it take to become a true person of conflict resolution?
“The man with a disharmonious household cannot serve as a peacemaker… The man who is afraid of war cannot serve as a peacemaker. Peacemaking must be a vocation, and not an occupation.”
Peacemaking can not be your job title, but it needs to be part of your life.
Vocation – a strong feeling of suitability for a particular career or occupation
Occupation – a job or profession
What is the importance of both empathy and sympathy?
Empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of another
Sympathy – feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune or understanding between people; common feeling
“‘I fear not the man who has practiced ten thousand kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick, ten thousand times.’ Conflict resolution must be a skill that is practiced over and over knowing that it will never be perfected.”
Facts lead to peace
John Ciecko – @JohnCiecko
Patrick Ohaver – @patc1996
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Leading Up the Chain
The Path of Leadership
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